STRAIGHT UP

Ok, I need to get something out here.  I was recently called out by a 14 year old girl about my cigarette habit.  Get this though, it wasn’t my daughter.  Don’t get me wrong, my daughter calls me out all the time about it.  I mean, I know all the dangers of what I am doing.  I know it’s killing me.  I’m not going to pretend I don’t know how bad it is.  And I know it bothers my whole family, well except for my 5 year old.  That’s only because she has never seen daddy smoke, so she has no idea.  Although this has also made me realize that I am hiding something from her and that might be even worse than the fact that I am smoking.

So anyway, back to this girl.  She’s really, really mad at me about this.  Why do I care so much about that?  Because she’s not just some girl.  She’s my daughter’s best friend.  She’s a fixture in our family.  I consider her like a 3rd daughter.  I mean she’s so much a part of the family that she could walk in the back door, kick her shoes off, plop down on the couch, flip on the TV and ask “what’s for dinner?” and we wouldn’t think anything of it.  My wife and I think very highly of her.

It goes even deeper than that though.  She is making her confirmation this year and she had requested me to be her sponsor.  To me this was a huge honor.  One that I never expected and was floored by when Pastor Anne  approached me about it.  I have recently heard through the grapevine (my daughter) that she is so bothered by the fact that I smoke that she is reconsidering her sponsor.  This bothers me for 2 reasons.  The 1st reason is because I am really excited about being her sponsor.  More importantly though, my smoking is not news to anyone, so I am guessing this has been bothering her for a long time and I really feel bad about that.  If you didn’t know this girl, from the outside you would think she was a rock.  And on the outside, she is.  I had the pleasure of coaching her in softball and this girl is tough as nails.  I’m talking all out, all the time. 

Under that core though, she’s soft as squashed grape.  She might be the most sensitive and caring person I have ever met.  In fact, if the world was full of people like her, there would be no military, because there would be no wars.  This girl is destined to save the world one person at a time.

So to my wife, my daughters and my “3rd daughter” I am truly sorry for any pain that my addiction has caused you.  On Saturday, April 2nd, 2005, for what seems like the millionth time, I am going to quit smoking.  Hopefully this time for good.  And to that 14 year old girl that’s really, really mad at me, I hope you will consider keeping me as your sponsor.

C.B.